Finally.

The pieces of the puzzle have been put together.

And all the struggles have paid off.

Finally.

This is not a ray of light.

This is a different route in the same room.

Familiar, but not painful.

Finally.

There is a certain beauty inside.

And it’s calm.
Warm.

There is peace.

And I have plenty of time to relish the sentiment.

This is not necessarily a happy me.

But this is definitely a me resolved.

Time to go to the place
I always wanted to visit.
Time to find
what I believed in all this time.
Time to find it as the real me. 

I spent hours sorting out my DVDs and putting them in cases by category.

I will educate myself. I will teach me how to play musical instruments.

I will clean my apartment’s floor. I will do all the house work.

I will finish stuff I started months ago.

I will have fun with friends.

I will kick ass.

But, for now, I’ll get some rest.

Hi there, weekend.

Going out in the cold
piercing through my skin
fiddling with my brain

Friends
Imaginary friends
sitting next to me
waiting for a move

Don’t criticize me
or you’ll ostracize yourselves
You’ll think I’m a joke
And turn away

I’ll be forever marked as
an impossible person
unless I apologize

I don’t avoid you because you scare me I do because I can’t stand you

Torn between loneliness and you
never sure about which side to take
a cloth pushed to my face

I’m not sorry because you started it
I have a mark on my head 

Why do I only care
about the things that are the hardest to reach?
Why do I turn away from
what I already have?

I’m not satisfied
enough.

Life never feels sweet
enough.

I’m so greedy,
and a coward at the same time.

I give them what they want.

I don’t like what they give me back.

I turn away, meet new people, same shit happens.

I get angry, I throw it to others.

And they turn away from me.

I’m walking in circles.

I’m whining.

My expectations are set too high.
I don’t care about the things down low.
As if they’ll never make me happier.

While I’m not that insecure
I just thrust myself in the dark,
because I’m used to it.

I’m trying not to act like a passive-aggressive dick.

But I still behave like a pretentious vacant douche.

There is a pure reason.

There is a pure reason.

There is a pure reason.

There is a pure reason.

There is a pure reason.
There is a pure reason.
There is a pure reason.
There is a pure reason. 

There, there is sweet love.
There is all you cherish.
There is “sweet”, and “pretty”, and “cute”, and “beautiful”,
and all you things you label as important.

Then, there’s me.

You don’t know what to do with me.
You don’t find me particularly attractive.
You don’t find my behavior interesting.
You point at the parts of me you believe are ugly.

Call me ugly, call me beautiful.

I’m just me.